Villages’ quirky Halloween celebrations also involve human sacrifice

RURAL villages that mark Halloween with funny old-fashioned ceremonies always kill someone at the end, it has emerged.

Despite small communities expressing anger at being portrayed as creepy pagan backwaters with arcane local conventions, experts say this reputation is fully deserved.

Folklorist Tom Logan said: “When you read about a village in Cornwall where they roll a burning tree stump down the street while all the children sing a song about somebody called ‘Puckle Jack’, it seems like eccentric traditional entertainment.

“But they do tend to gloss over the most vital part, which is the ritual murder.”

Logan highlighted the small Somerset town of Norton Cranwell, where everyone swaps special cakes and there is a procession down the high street involving ‘will ‘o’ the wisp’ lanterns with an old drunkard dressed as the ‘Green Man’.

He said: “It all sounds like brilliant fun, tourists flock from around the world and make TikTok videos about it.

“But when all the visitors have left they go up to a moor, have a big orgy and then chop somebody’s head off.”

Man takes massive pay cut for dream job that's still better paid than yours

A MAN has willingly slashed his income in order to pursue his dream job which still boasts a far better salary than yours, it has emerged.

Nathan Muir voluntarily walked away from his lucrative position as a hedge fund manager in order to pursue his childhood ambition of becoming an actuary accountant, even though he will be dropping to three times your salary.

He said: “Watching my pay cheque tumble to a measly six figures will be brutal, but sometimes you just have to follow your heart rather than the money.

“There’s no point toiling away at a job that no longer fulfils you if it only puts you in the top percentage of earners. Sooner or later you have to say ‘to hell with it’ and go after your slightly less financially stable but still cushy plan B.

“I’ll have to make cut backs to compensate, of course. No more new iPhones every few months, and I reckon I’ll only be able to stretch to four business class holiday flights next year. It’ll be humbling but it’ll build my character.”

Muir’s friend Nikki Hollis said: “I’m pretty sure Nathan earns in a month what I make in a year. I would ask but I don’t know which of us would be more appalled.”