MILLIONS of pop fans were in shock yesterday as the re-release of Three Lions killed music like a dog in the street.
Musicolgists said the Robbie Williams-Russell Brand assault on all things decent marked the final, degrading act in pop’s turbulent 60 year existence.
Tom Logan, from Reading University, said: “Popular music has been dealt many potentially fatal blows over the years – Buddy Holly’s death, the break-up of The Beatles, ‘H’ leaving Steps.
“But the bestial union of a lumpen, terrace dirge, shouted by some of the most unforgivable celebrities a vindictive gene pool could create, is like standing over a stricken, rabid animal with an automatic pistol and then sending it straight to hell.
“It makes that Sun advert with Terry Venables sound like Rubber Soul.”
Martin Bishop, director of the Royal College of Pop, said: “Just a few months ago I thought the end had come when I saw Lady Gaga acting like an ADD transsexual impersonating Cyndi Lauper. But this is it. This is fucking it.”
He added: “I’d like to be the first to come out and say what everyone else is thinking – this is entirely the fault of Frank Skinner.
“When everyone was giggling away at Fantasy Football without really knowing why, I was sitting there thinking, ‘he’s the one, he is the beast who is going to kill everything that matters’. All that was required was for that song to wait for Russell Brand and Robbie Williams to come along.
“As Confucius once said ‘be careful what you wish for, motherfuckers’.”
