A MAN has been tricked into watching a historical drama that is not even one of the good ones with heaving bosoms and period-accurate lesbian threesomes.
Julian Cook reluctantly agreed to watch Peterloo on the basis that it would no doubt feature repressed but sexy women giving in to their forbidden urges with plenty of gasping and lingering tit shots, and was sorely disappointed.
He said: “History’s boring, but sometimes it can be hot. So, assuming it was a raunchy adaptation of the kind that gets the Daily Mail fulminating about licence fees, I signed up.
“But it turned out to be all about some riot in Manchester for more democracy, and that’s a tough wank. Can a drama really be historically accurate if it ignores all spankings, nude romps and adulterous scenes, preferably featuring Jenna Coleman?
“An hour in and there wasn’t a single rump gyrating by candlelight. I got momentarily hopeful when the neighbour out of Shameless turned up but not one boob.
“Was it too much to hope for even one scene of a corset being ripped open or a young fop visiting a brothel for his first threesome? It would have added to the story, whatever the story was. I pay my licence fee to be kept informed of such important historical facts.”
Wife Keeley Cook said: “Yeah, it was shit. Nobody emerged shirtless from a lake wearing leather breeches in two f**king hours.”
