Animals

A GRIM silence gripped a family as they tried to concentrate on an episode of Doctor Who while ignoring their dog furiously licking its own genitals.

THEY might not have arms but birds can still hand your ass to you. Naturalist Chris Packham reveals which of our feathered friends would f**k you up one-on-one.

APART from companionship, the main reason people get dogs is so that strangers chat them up in the park. Here are five breeds that definitely won't get you laid.

OWNING a pet can be a loving, fulfilling experience that lasts for years, unless you choose from one of these utterly shit pets.

ARE you worried you’re not annoying enough people while walking your canine chum? Our handy guide will put that right.

JACOB Rees-Mogg told Parliament yesterday that fish are better and happier for being British. Well, I’m a British fish, and I’m properly f**ked off. 

DOGS believe that the best thing about owning them is when they make you search for them for hours in dense woodland.

PAUL the psychic octopus was the only thing standing between humanity and catastrophic disaster, scientists have confirmed. 

A DECEASED hamster will live on in memory after becoming the answer to a password security question.

A DOG has confirmed that he has no leads on the source of the huge dog turd currently steaming on the living room carpet.