Sport Headlines

THE Football Association has appointed a coach to train players in basic brain use, including moral decisions.

ANDY Carroll may be allowed to roam free amongst his kind once more as Liverpool consider an offer for his rehoming.

THE Tour de France's leading cyclist is being stalked by a hungry coyote with an arsenal of cack-handed gadgets, it has emerged.

ANDY Murray's ridiculously successful parallel universe counterpart has told the tennis player he needs to get back out there and smash it.

OLYMPIC athletes will be required to consume McDonalds food while competing, it has emerged.

ANDY Murray will deploy strategic gay come-ons to distract Jo Wilfried Tsonga at Wimbledon today, it has been claimed.

WAYNE Rooney has assaulted his own horse in a fit of jealous rage after it won a race.

ENGLAND supporters have told Monday where it can stick it.

SEPP Blatter has finally acknowledged that extra monitoring is needed to regulate what comes out of football commentator’s mouths.

ROY Hodgson has congratulated his side for winning Euro 2012 after misunderstanding how the tournament works.