TEAMS relegated on the last day of the Premier League season will only be replaced by different ones, it has emerged.

Luton Town, Burnley and Sheffield United were all relegated to the Championship on Sunday but horrifyingly, rather than cutting the Premier League by three teams a year until it is eliminated, will be replaced by three other teams.

Experts confirmed the same will happen at the end of next season and the season after that, with the cycle of abuse expected to continue for decades to come.

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “These relegations initially seem like a thinning-out of weak, dreadful football but instead the teams are replaced, in blatant defiance of natural law.

“We are tinkering with the very balance of the cosmos itself here and – if we are lucky – we will live to regret it.

“I have now written to the Football Association demanding the football pyramid gets smaller each year until there’s only one team left and we can all get on with our lives. Even if it is Manchester City.”

Hayes also attacked Uefa’s decision to stage a tournament this summer to establish who the best team in Europe is, even though that was established once and for all less than three years ago.

He said: “It’s almost like they’re playing football for the sake of it. It sickens me.”