THE horrific crash during the women’s cycling at the Paris Olympics yesterday has raised hopes that cycling can now be stopped altogether.
Campaigners believe the crash which left three riders injured is an opportunity to end cycling in all its monstrous varieties and have all bicycles confiscated, melted down and turned into cars.
Lauren Hewitt, chair of Please Shut Up About Cycling, said: “Yes, they were professional racers who knew the risks. Yes, they were doing atypical speeds of 40mph. But there’s no escaping the root cause of this – wankers on bikes.
“We’ve tried everything to end cycling – laughing at their shorts, visibly glazing over when they tell us about their tedious bike ride on Saturday, beeping when a pack of them obstruct us on country lanes. But now maybe governments will act.
“It’s sad that it takes a serious accident to bring change, but come on, what sort of twat shaves their legs to reduce wind drag?”
President of the International Olympic Committee Thomas Bach said: “I am aware of the controversies surrounding cycling. I was taking the scenic route to Würzburg last weekend in my BMW and for a significant part of the journey all I could see was a man’s arse.
“However it is very popular among viewers, so we can’t just drop it from the Olympics without replacing it with another tedious sport like carp fishing.
“I blame Victoria Pendleton. She’s hot. However she’s not in it anymore because she’s got rid of her stupid bike and taken up the normal sport of horse racing. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
