Politics

BORIS Johnson's hulk metaphor has been welcomed by Brexit supporters who are not stupid and knew exactly what they were voting for.

DAVID Cameron’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove are a pair of twats.

FORMER prime minister David Cameron sleeps in a crypt which contains no reflective surfaces or timepieces.

COULROPHOBIA, or the fear of clowns, has been reclassified from an anxiety disorder to a perfectly reasonable response to modern life.

THE Queen has been heard to murmur ‘You lied to me, you f**king fat f**k’ while watching the news.

JEREMY Corbyn is taking political positions so rational that a worried supporter is afraid he is being drugged and controlled.

RABID right-wingers for whom Goering was the bleeding-heart weak link in the Nazi party have claimed John Bercow is politically biased.

AN MP has admitted half of him is furious at the politically motivated proroguing of Parliament while the other half is punching the air shouting ‘Whoo’.

A LAW blocking no-deal Brexit, to be passed today, is legally watertight. But not according to the massive brains of Tory backbenchers. Here’s how they’ll beat it:

THE prime minister has been placed in parliamentary checkmate by his opponents. What can he do to break out?