Politics

AN ECSTATIC Britain has thanked MPs for calling an early general election because it just cannot get enough of politicians on the news.

BORIS Johnson became prime minister on the back of a firm commitment to leave the EU on October 31st, which we won’t be. But it’s not his fault.

REMAIN voters have put forward the tentative theory that Brexit may not be working out because it is fundamentally flawed and pointless.

THE EU has granted Britain a third Brexit extension, this one for just three months. But a number of stringent conditions are attached.

ARE you the sort of person the BBC interviews in shopping precincts during the day for your banal opinions? Here moron Norman Steele gives his advice on voting in a December election.

I HAVE been a left-winger all my life. I vehemently oppose Brexit. But if Boris Johnson’s December 12th election cancels my six-year-old son’s nativity play, he has my full support. 

THE electorate has warned Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn not to come to them with their problems and expect them to sort it all out. 

AS Brexit enters new levels of tedium, are you wondering if there might have been a simpler way to keep xenophobic Leavers happy? Here are some suggestions.

BRITAIN’S Remain voters have pointed out that Brexit could have happened ages ago if Brexiters had not been such twats about it.

THE withdrawal agreement should take weeks to pass, but Boris Johnson has sworn to do it in 72 hours. What other historical drags could he have rushed through?