ED Miliband is to have his lungs removed, put in an ape and then returned to him to show how keen on the NHS he is.
The Labour leader will undergo the completely unnecessary procedure at Royal London Hospital later today, remaining conscious throughout so he can praise everything he sees to camera crews.
Miliband said: “I’ve had an operation on the NHS every year since I was 16, simply because I love it so much.
“Appendix removed, spleen removed, kidneys swapped sides, hip replacement, coccyx lengthened, gender reassignment and back again.
“I just get the biggest buzz from being at the heart of a world-class national health service.”
Prime minister David Cameron, challenged on whether he would have a splinter removed by an NHS hospital, said: “I believe everyone should have a choice of healthcare because that’s what freedom is about.
“But what if they pulled it out too fast and it hurt? No, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.”