Work

DO you like causing misery and suffering to others? Want to get paid for it rather than become a serial killer? Here are six careers that are perfect for power-crazed sadists.

WORKPLACES frown on negativity, foul language and cracking your co-workers’ skulls against their desks. Use these acceptable alternatives.

A COOL, disruptive start-up would like you to undergo a series of gruelling interviews and stressful psychometric tests before being admitted to their ranks.

GOING for a poo at work takes the detailed planning and slick execution of a bank robbery. Here’s how not to get caught red-handed in this terrible, shameful act.

A BUILDER is doubled up with laughter as he writes out an extortionate quote for a simple domestic job.

ARE you so famished that you have no option but to force salt-and-vinegar McCoys down your face, or just avoiding work?

DID you spend 2008-2012 sleeping late and smoking weed? Has it left a gap in your career narrative that’s tough to explain? Use these lies.

EVERY office job carries the threat of being a pariah for life if you dare violate their unwritten and unspoken rules. Watch out for these.

THE corporate world is a minefield of ‘innovation managers’ and ‘change agents’. Never interact with any arsehole in one of these bollocks jobs.

IT’S Monday morning and your inbox is full of treasures. Here are five emails to make you grateful you opened Outlook.