Society

WITH unemployment expected to reach three million by the end of next year, economists were last night warning of Billy Bragg.

AN Englishman has successfully crossed the Channel to France using nothing but a car ferry.

TERMS including ‘frogging’, ‘donkey handbag’ and ‘eine Kane schaften’ have all been included in the new edition of the Chambers English Dictionary.

BRITAIN was last night pinning its hopes on the next generation of fraudsters, after the latest failure to con a large financial institution with a fake death scam.

A 75 year-old widower from Suffolk is believed to be the first man in the UK to leave his entire estate to a watermelon.

THE long-term unemployed are to be boiled down and used for soup, ministers confirmed last night.

MINISTERS were yesterday forced to withdraw a new report which showed crime falling across the country, after realising it was Danish.

A FIREFIGHTER sacked for being overweight is a key member of the team and makes an outstanding firedoor, his colleagues said last night.

GORDON Brown is to tackle violent crime by identifying the country's worst families and forcing them to live on the streets.

YOUNG people who carry knives are to be sent on a series of educational outings, taking in hospitals, Madame Tussauds and a spoon factory.