GRANDPARENTS are finding their obligation to be kindly and generous to their junior charges increasingly difficult to maintain. 

While parents continue to view ‘Granny and Grandad’ as the perfect place to park their offspring for extended periods under the flimsy pretence this is a treat for all concerned, grandparents have admitted the twinkle in their eyes is now one of loathing.

72-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “My daughter rolls up most weekends with her kids. She’s gone before I answer the door, and there they are on the step with a broken robot toy and a Post-It saying ‘Don’t let me eat insects’ stuck to the girl’s forehead.

“Naturally I smile warmly, pretend to enjoy their inane bullshit and feign delight at my sofa becoming coated with a paste of semi-masticated Jaffa Cake.

“But clearly I’d rather be in the garage, making a cathedral with matchsticks and savouring some mildly racist thoughts while listening to a documentary about eels.”

He added: “They call my wife and I ‘Granpog’ and ‘Nangle’. My name is Roy. I’m a former civil engineer, not a f**king hobbit.”

Retired headteacher Margaret Gerving, who has three grandchildren delivered regularly to her home, said: “They makes me feel young again. Like when I first had their mother and was permanently exhausted while mopping up urine.

“I am so lucky to be able to relive that joy as an elderly lady with reduced stamina and a house full of easily breakable objects.”