Beer garden holding Festival of Twats

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Unbearable couple f**k up house and garden with massive extension

AN awful couple have built an enormous rear extension which has ruined their home and rendered their garden obsolete, it has emerged.

Nathan and Francesca Muir’s house now boasts an impractical hangar-style space where their perfectly good kitchen used to be and a narrow strip of lawn which will never get any natural light.

Francesca said: “I love throwing open the bifolds to admire the garden I can barely stand in. This was definitely worth spending tens of thousands of pounds on.

“Meanwhile the new open-plan living area is designed to resemble the separate rooms we knocked down in order to build it. Only now nobody has any personal space and in the summer it’s bound to overheat. It’s the best of both worlds.

“My favourite features are the uncomfortable stools by the breakfast bar which nobody will ever use. I can only imagine they have increased our property’s value tenfold, which is the only reason we f**ked up an otherwise great home to begin with.”

Husband Nathan said: “I’m thinking we pave over the garden next, slap on a pebble dash and give the ceiling some Artex texturing. Really go all in on making this extension as awful as possible.”