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Only get a neck tattoo if you're famous, advises man with neck tattoo

A MAN believes it is best to hold off getting a tattoo covering all of your neck until you are rich, famous and highly desirable to women anyway.

After getting a large and intricate tattoo on his throat, Josh Hudson was disappointed by the negative response and feels it may be related to his lack of fame and working in a supermarket.

Hudson said: “I thought it was awesome, with all the roses, tigers, crucifixes and eagles, but the first thing my colleague Emma said was ‘What the f**k is that on your neck?’.

“The wider reaction hasn’t been much better. Women haven’t exactly been throwing themselves at me. Even my mum just sighed and said ‘What have you done now, Josh?’ instead of complimenting my edgy body art.

“That bloke who’s going out with Kourtney Kardashian doesn’t get grief over his. Seems like it’s one rule for people who work in Asda and another for members of Blink 182.

“I think I should have become famous before getting the tattoo. Still, it will motivate me to get my rockstar, actor or multi-millionaire rapper career off the ground.”

Hudson added that his recent decision to wear a scarf frequently was solely “because it’s cold”.

Bullshit controversies of the 2020s vs the 1980s - which were best?

HARDLY a week goes by without some confected controversy like ‘cancel culture’. But how do they compare with the public outrages of the 1980s? Let’s find out.

Video nasties 

Somewhat undermined by the films in question being extremely shit (Last House on the Left) or humorous gore for horror buffs (Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Also, they were impossible to get hold of, especially on Betamax. Bullshit controversy rating: 7

‘Cancel culture’

Somewhat undermined by it always being deliberately provocative right-wingers who always get ‘cancelled’ yet make lots of money from it. ‘Grift’ is a harsh term but let’s be honest, there’s more grifting going on here than in the film Grifters. Bullshit controversy rating: 9 

The skinhead scare

Although actual skinheads included plenty of racist thugs, bizarre scare stories about them abounded. Skinheads were going to turn up at schools and slash people. Skinheads had stripped someone and glued them to a railway bridge, a truly odd myth that neatly incorporated that other 80s obsession: superglue. All a bit unfair on skins who were just ska fans. Bullshit controversy rating: 5

Pulling down statues

One statue has been pulled down so far, threatening the very existence of the UK. Also, graffiti has been sprayed on some other statues, which would probably make the actual Winston Churchill say ‘Why are you wasting my time with this?’. Bullshit controversy rating: 8

Satanism 

Big in the 80s, especially in the States. Everything from cack solo albums by Ozzy Osbourne to Dungeons & Dragons was targeted. This had some bad real-world consequences, but mostly just led to people knackering their heavy metal albums by trying to listen to them backwards. Bullshit controversy rating: 6 

Scary internet fads 

Do you even remember Momo now? Or fear the Slender Man? And any adult dense enough to eat Persil capsules to win an internet challenge suggested by cackling trolls gets limited sympathy. Bullshit controversy rating: 8

Verdict

With the scores on the doors, 25 to 18, bullshit controversies are much better now. Get furious about political correctness then watch Driller Killer to chill out.

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