Vatican reveals St Peter was only eight inches tall

THE Vatican has unveiled the tiny coffin of St Peter for the first time.

The casket, just nine inches long, holds the very small body of Jesus’s right hand man and first Pontiff of the Catholic Church.

Pope Francis prayed before the coffin yesterday in Rome and called on religions around the world to be nicer to people who are less than one foot high.

He said: “Jesus called St Peter his ‘rock’. Looking at this tiny coffin, that now seems odd. But who am I to decide who is and is not tall enough to be a Pope?”

Worshipper Emma Bradford said: “I am glad to discover that St Peter was just eight inches high. It makes the whole thing more believable.”

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Spurs to build on first 13 seconds

SPURS say they will take the positives from their unbeaten 13 seconds against Manchester City.

Players have been studying the video of yesterdays kick off to see which of their half dozen touches of the ball led to the first goal.

Manager Andre Villas-Boas said: If we can push on from here we might be able to get a throw-in before it all turns to shit.

Villas-Boas has also proposed that matches return to the centre circle every 10 seconds, as well as a cricket-style declaration system to end a match whenever necessary.

Meanwhile, fans have questioned the mangers team selection which yesterday included a still-concussed Hugo Lloris playing in slippers and a dressing gown.

Villas-Boas added: By breaking down a match into 13-second sections its clear we just need to work on the remaining 414 of them.

I suspect that will be a standard quote one day its a game of 415 13-second sections, Brian.

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