Health

NURSES will be trained to do other things instead of just looking busy and pretending to be doctors.

EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects.

IT might be an idea to fill-in a big hole full of plague victims as quickly as possible, it has been suggested.

DAVID Cameron has ditched plans for minimum alcohol pricing after a revolt by the Cabinet's problem drinkers.

BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its bitch.

THE UK's health record will lead to a new era in being bothered constantly.

IT is literally exploding out of both ends, Buckingham Palace has announced.

ADVERTS for Febreze 'fabric refresher' have caused numerous cases of hepatitis.

ALL products will soon feature graphic imagery illustrating how they might kill you.

DOCTORS have called for a new approach to obesity which gently encourages overweight people to despise the very idea of themselves.