Environment

A MAN has had to examine all four of his dirty plates to see which one is clean enough to put a pizza on.

THE UK is to ditch Trident and spend the £170 billion savings on a retractable roof to cover the entire country.

A MAN’S neighbours are wondering how he could have spent such an insane amount of time mowing a fairly small lawn.

PRO-EU voters in London now believe the country’s rural communities are filled with utterly terrifying rednecks.

AN ANT who fervently supports the monarchy was disgusted by his treatment at the Queen’s picnic lunch, he has revealed.

A WOMAN reads out the predictions of her weather app like a shaman receiving messages from an ancient god, it has emerged.

BUTTERFLY and bee populations have paid tribute to Muhammad Ali and thanked him for his gracious compliment.

LONDONERS are struggling to understand claims that Britain enjoyed a day of wonderful sunshine yesterday when they did not.

GORILLAS have confirmed they will continue to patiently tolerate the less evolved human species.

NORTH Yorkshire is to be set on fire so the rest of the UK can have a hot bath.