Celebrity

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were last night forced to tell William Hague they planned to spend the evening alone.

THE page boy who fainted during the Queen's speech had been weakened by Prince Philip's vampiric tendencies.

BRITAIN has congratulated the Queen on her new mobile box, with windows big enough so we can see her lovely hands.

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.

EUROVISION winner Conchita has advised Nigel Farage to make the most of his fleeting moment of glory.

THE Chancellor of the Exchequer's cat has been charged with soliciting after being found in a red light district.

JORDAN is sad now because she got married to a man but he is a bad man.

THE wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, to be held in Italy tomorrow, will be themed after the cruelties of Rome’s most depraved Emperor.

THE Queen has formally announced that she will spend her retirement living in stables as a horse.