Celebrity

FORMER TV weather girl Ulrika Jonsson is to begin a crash-course in conversational Italian, she announced last night.

PRINCE Philip sent a series of crude death threats to Princess Diana which often included thinly veiled attacks on the Chinese, an inquest heard yesterday.

AMMA, the big fat indian woman who has hugged more than 26 million people, has warned Jonathan Ross not to come within 100 metres of her comforting bosom.

IT'S our most exciting reader giveaway ever!

TEDDY row teacher Gillian Gibbons is a serial blasphemer who refers to her back-passage as 'Jesus', the Daily Mash can reveal. 

THE Queen has paid tribute to her husband as one of Britain's most accomplished post-war racists.

FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.

PRINCE, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, broke into uncharted mental territory yesterday after instructing his fan websites to remove his photograph.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has sent a special 25th anniversary message to Carol Vorderman's increasingly enormous breasts.

GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.