Agony Aunt

Having broken up with my wife, I'm surprised to find I don't want to listen to Coldplay.

My granny says that in the olden days people used to take photos of other people.

There is nothing more incriminating than a handwritten note.

I can't even get up from a chair without letting one rip.

Ensure you have an adequate supply of slate blue corduroy trousers.

Have you ever noticed that teachers never go to the toilet?

I once went to visit Scottish relatives so I have seen the dreadful darkness that dwells there.

Don't show off because it could get you killed.

If you want to know anything like that just go and ask Phillip Holliday, the big weirdo.

Perhaps a more important question is why are all lady PE teachers lesbians?