ENGLAND played five strikers on Thursday and lost. Logic dictates they should therefore increase the number of strikers to 11 for Sunday’s game, but will they?
Steve Malley, icehouse excavator: “The manager’s too cautious. We should burn out the relevant areas of his brain so only suicidal recklessness remains.”
Thomas Logan, stenographer: “Bellingham, Palmer, Foden, Saka, Watkins, Kane, Toney, Rashford, Solanke, Gordon, Nketiah. Tell me that line-up won’t score.”
Francesca Johnson, counsellor: “The grim spectre of Southgate still hangs over the squad, his malign influence persisting. We cannot break these chains while he yet lives.”
Helen Archer, consultant surgeon: “The best defence is a good offence. So we should play the most offensive person possibly, who for my money is Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown.”
Norman Steele, crane operator: “A striker would do better than Jordan Pickford. He’s always hoofing the ball forward but never once has he found the opposition net.”
