Sport Headlines

LIVERPOOL manager Kenny Dalglish has defended his decision to spend £8m on a bag of crisps and a can of Irn Bru.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently signed more than £20m worth of fruit-covered ice cream treats from Dutch giants Ajax.

FOOTBALL pimp Sky Sports has been forced to withdraw claims that yesterday was super.

AVRAM Grant is to stay on as West Ham manager on the basis he can be fired into the English Channel at any second.

DAVID Beckham is fighting to save his reputation after claims he has been to bed with his pointy wife.

DIRECTORS at Liverpool FC have booked Roy Hodgson a special holiday to Switzerland to thank him for all his hard work.

A TINY terracotta urn was last night coming to terms with the appalling prospect of having to go back to England.

UNDER-fire managers have issued stark ultimatums to their boards as the giant face of Rafael Benitez loomed over the horizon.

AND so Samuel Allardicé is cast into the stygian abyss of failed Blackburn Rovers allenatori. But which new Theseus will come forth to slay the Minotaur that is the fair red rose of Lancashire's unfulfilled desires?

BLACKBURN Rovers have confirmed that Sam Allardyce will return to his post as regional sales executive for Ossett Windows.