Tyson Fury v Christian Hammer to be fought as a comic book

THE heavyweight fight between Tyson Fury and Christian Hammer will take place in comic book format, it has been announced.

Promoters have confirmed that rather than contesting 12 rounds of boxing, the rivals will slug it out in a 23-page comic.

Frank Warren said: “Instead of tentatively walking in circles round a ring as is customary, drawings of Fury and Hammer will fight on top of skyscrapers, in the crater of a volcano and on a cliff edge with each blow being marked by a red box stating ‘Blammm!!’

“The fight will be won once one fighter knocks the other out of the Earth’s atmosphere and wins the affection of a damsel in distress who had been chained to a nuclear bomb.

“Either that or it goes to points.”

Sources close to Fury have reported that the Irishman has spent much of the week rehearsing slick one-liners to direct at Hammer after landing punches.

Hammer said: “Fury is a worthy adversary, but he will have no answer when I turn myself into a 10-foot tall hammer and pummel him into the ground.”

Fury replied tentatively:”I’m too fast and too Fury-ous,”

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Before this week you had never stayed in a five-star hotel. This will also be true after this week.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Jon Snow in an MRI scanner off his head on skunk has been big news, as you will be on Friday for operating one while off your head on skunk.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
You’ll wish you remembered the name of the X Files actress for your ‘Five allowed celebrities’ list on Saturday as you find yourself in a Travelodge with Gillian Mckeith.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
As the beefiest sign of the zodiac, it’s no surprise this week that you’re taking stock.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
The planets align in your house for the next fortnight and don’t even bring any booze with them.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Nobody will ever ask you whether you ever got a receipt from your window cleaner, mainly because it’s completely sodding irrelevant.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
You have a crisis of faith on Sunday when you can’t decide whether the face in your toast looks more like Jesus or Kenny Loggins.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
The numbers 6 and 4, and the letter Y will have a big impact on you tomorrow. I can’t make out the rest of the number plate.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
The scales are not only the symbol of your sign but also the evidence the police use to bump up the charge to ‘possession with the intent to supply’.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
As the most cynical of the signs you tend not to believe in horoscopes, so you won’t mind me calling you a festering pervert with all the charm of an abandoned wank.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Sagittarians tend to be most compatible with Leos or, in your case, people with no sense of smell.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Looking for cheaper car insurance? What the fuck are you asking me for?