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John Motson tweeting nude selfies again

VETERAN football commentator John Motson has once again posted sexually explicit images of himself on social media.

The latest controversial picture is a full-length mirror shot of Motson wearing only a coat, Ugg boots and a seductive smile, tweeted with the words “Checking out my abs #helloladies #nofilter #sheepskin”.

It came a week after the 68-year old posted a Vine of his penis, wearing googly eyes and a beanie hat, begging BBC chief Tony Hall to be made commentator for next month’s World Cup final.

He then listed statistics for every other British sporting presenter’s genitals and compared them unfavourably to the penises of presenters on Dutch channel Nederland 1.

A BBC spokesman said: “John is a national treasure because of his dedication and professionalism, not because of the Instagram shots of his surprisingly toned buttocks captioned ‘YOLO’.

“He should concentrate on his role as a commentator and, if he really has to get nasty on camera, follow the example of Robbie Savage and set up his own pay-per-view extravaganza.”

 

Atari ET game to be made into film

THE 1982 Atari video game ET: The Extra-Terrestrial is to be made into a live-action film.

The movie will faithfully recreate the wood-veneered console classic and incorporate other merchandise elements such as bright green cola-flavoured custard creams while ignoring the film that accompanied them.

Director Tom Logan said: “To remain true to the game, the plot will now mainly consist of ET walking across a featureless landscape before deliberately falling into a hole.

“He will then attempt to levitate out of the hole, and fail. And then again, and then again.

“ET will be brought to life using state-of-the-art 8-bit graphics, so he’ll look as though he’s been made from green Lego by a particularly talentless and impatient child.”

Office worker Stephen Malley said: “The ET video game was a massive part of my childhood. After playing it, my friends and I used to go to the woods and sit in a hole for hours on end.

“I think every boy fantasises about a special friend who wanders around aimlessly picking up nondescript objects hoping they’re pieces of phone.”

A huge hole has already been bulldozed in the New Mexico desert to bury copies of the video game adaptation of the movie adaptation of the video game adaptation, which is expected to be awful.

Logan’s next project, which Matthew McConaughey is already attached to,  will be a “brutal erotic Western” based on Atari game Custer’s Revenge.

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