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Suffering vaginal dryness? Have you tried checking for packets of silica gel?

WAKING up in a septic tank in a pool of urine not exclusively my own, following a sequence of events with which I shall not detain you, I wearily clamber out and take stock of recent events.

YOU know those massive methane farts cows stand around pumping out all day, destroying the ozone layer? They'll soon stop once they're dead and under the grill. You won't see that in our woke vegan media.

NOT all celebrities are from America, some of them even come from Wales. Not that you would ever suspect these ones hail from the Land of Song.

A WOMAN caught cheating has a respectable, patriarchy-smashing reason for doing so, it has emerged.

THE name of Marie Antoinette, consort of Louis XVI of France, has endured almost entirely because of how fit she was. But did you know she also invented influencing?

“I want to thank you. For the advice you gave me? That flying f**k at that rolling donut was the best sexual experience of my life.”

WAKING up in a cryogenic freezing machine, I lift the lid and wonder at what point in the future I have arrived. 

A TEXT reply from your crush should show barely-concealed longing and lust. So why are yours bland placeholder messages? Here’s what people text back when they’re just not feeling it.

Wagwan? Man is bare gassed. Superswag Active J scored a peng Valentine’s Day card on him’s desk in history today, innit.