Politics

THE question of Scottish independence will be decided not by referendum but by the result of tonight’s England-Scotland result, it has emerged.

BRITAIN is struggling to come to terms with claims that the health secretary who has led us through this pandemic is totally f**king hopeless.

GOOD morning, I’m national engine of hatred the Daily Mail, and today I’ll be wearing the mask of Boris Johnson’s one-year-old son Wilf. Isn’t that disturbingly adorable?

THE UK is finding out first-hand what it’s like to be seduced, lied to, and repeatedly f**ked over by Boris Johnson.

THE sunlit uplands Boris Johnson and the Tories promised were a lie. Obviously. It’s Boris Johnson. But there are genuine upsides to Brexit:

BRITAIN’S prime minister and America’s president have cemented the special relationship between their countries with an evening of wife-swapping. 

THE people of St Ives are unfazed as yet another twat from London has visited their sleepy coastal town, they have revealed.

THE UK is uniformly delighted that after years of not doing this American White House First Lady bollocks, we now apparently are.

I’m a successful man in his 50s who recently married his girlfriend, but only because work made me.

BORIS Johnson has placed an advertisement for the vacant position of mistress to the prime minister in the Sunday Times.