Politics

A CENTRIST who believes everyone should show more civility towards right-wingers has been told to shove it up his liberal arse.

AFTER years of languishing in obscurity, the Liberal Democrats have returned to mess up politics like they did last time.

A DELIGHTED Tory party has been reminded by a narrow win and a Labour-Lib Dem split of how they clung onto power back in 1992.

ALLOWING the constituency which backed Boris Johnson to continue to vote has caused nationwide alarm and disgust.

FORMER UKIP leader Nigel Farage has confirmed he is exploring bold new frontiers of twatdom by being so much of a twat even his bank hates him.

RISHI Sunak has confirmed that when he refers to low-value, rip-off degrees, he does indeed mean anything concerning the arts.

BORIS Johnson’s baby is at that special age where he is blissfully unaware of who exactly his dad is.

NIGEL Farage has been seen staggering up provincial high streets carrying duffel bags of banknotes searching for a bank that will accept him.

SUELLA Braverman has found an ideal alternative destination for asylum seekers, the former biological warfare testing ground Anthrax Island.

MATT Hancock has said he understands the ‘negative consequences’ of the pandemic but, on the plus side, he got to have sex with an attractive woman.