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Politics

Light at end of tunnel is that I'll stop being a twat, promises Starmer

THE prime minister has promised there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is that he will cease being a penny-pinching prick before the next election.

Labour conference has better class of heckler

A TALL, finely-boned and well-spoken young gentleman from a smart family has heckled Rachel Reeves over Gaza.

Reform conference makes rest of Britain appreciably better

Why shouldn't I pamper my pets? asks Lord Alli

THE multi-millionaire Lord Alli has asked why he should not give his Labour party pets the best in clothes and apartments.

Rachel Reeves to replace every picture in 11 Downing Street with Thatcher portrait

Sue Gray earns £63,000 more than Starmer gets in freebies

THE prime minister’s chief of staff earns a shocking £63,000 per annum more than he is receiving in declared gifts, it has emerged.

Independent Scotland could have been exactly the same, say experts

IF Scotland had won independence ten years ago it could have been exactly the same in every way, according to experts.

I will change government policy for a good quality men's jacket. By Keir Starmer

I REALLY need a winter coat, so if you’d like to buy me one – a £950 Canada Goose would allow me to do my job effectively – then pick the law you don’t like.

I pay Lord Alli back in feet pics, says Starmer

We ask you: which prisoners would you like Keir Starmer to release next?

THE prime minister has affirmed his commitment to locking ‘em up is matched by his commitment to letting ‘em out early. Who do you want to see released?