Politics

TONY Blair has revealed he still has weekly conversations with Jesus and talks about everything from the Middle East peace process to the fortunes of the England football team.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown last night rejected calls to sack Alistair Darling but did remove the chancellor's right eyebrow with a blowtorch.

CITIZENS across the European Union are to be asked a series of intimate sexual questions including when they first discovered the joys of vibration.

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has admitted sending millions of bank account details to a Nigerian doctor who contacted him earlier this week.

TORY leader David Cameron has enlisted one of the party's most senior ex-convicts in his bid to become a more effective liar.

CONSERVATIVE leader David Cameron is facing fresh embarrassment after a senior backbencher described himself as 'an enthusiastic and committed racialist'.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has made a bold move to recapture the political agenda with a series of mind-numbingly tedious initiatives.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has drawn a red line around the savoury cheese sandwich on his desk and warned the EU to back off.

THE Liberal Democrats will today attempt to regain the political initiative as they begin their search for an exciting young loser to lead them into the next election.

BRITAIN  is in an absolutely foul mood and is taking it out on the Prime Minister, according to new research.