Politics

HAVE you been invited to a cocaine party but are worried you won’t know what to do? Here Michael Gove explains all you need to know.

BORIS Johnson has confirmed that only a f**king halfwit would support no-deal Brexit and he is that man.

THE ten candidates to become prime minister have been sent to a country house to be picked off one by one by whichever of them is secretly the killer.

BORIS Johnson has blindsided rivals for the Tory leadership by proposing tax cuts but – let this sink in – for the already wealthy. 

MICHAEL Gove remains manically convinced nothing can stop him becoming Tory leader though nobody knows where he is getting his confidence from. 

Yesterday, I handed in my notice as Conservative leader. Now, nobody is in charge and you can do whatever you fucking want.

NIGEL Farage has once again maintained his 25-year record of never winning a seat in the House of Commons in any by-election or general election.

THE BBC has apologised after accidentally showing an interview with a random member of the public who does not support Brexit.

THERESA May is hoping her final days in office will be enough time for one more of her trademark enormous fuck-ups.

POLITICIANS and other twats have demanded everyone has the utmost respect for D-Day while shamelessly using it for their own purposes.