We ask you: which rich pricks who aren’t you should Reeves start taxing?

THE chancellor has admitted she needs to raise taxes, and the electorate is fine with it as long as it only hits other people. Who would you target for revenue? 

Hannah Tomlinson, librarian: “Influencers. Hit them at source: ring lights, cosmetic tweakments, holidays in Dubai. Then again they are ideally placed to foment revolution.”

Norman Steele, ceramic artist: “Why should British people always pay the price? Why can’t we tax foreigners? Five per cent of their income should do it, there’s loads of them.”

Joe Turner, landscape gardener: “How about if you could lose the national lottery as well as winning it? Get six wrong numbers and the state takes everything. Raise the stakes.”

Wayne Hayes, roustabout: “What she should do is legalise cannabis and tax that, but it’ll never happen while she’s got that haircut.”

Carolyn Ryan, hygiene inspector: “Maybe corporations who evade billions in taxes by loaning their profits to each other via offshore subsidiaries which fold and let them claim 100 per cent of it as a write-off. Or is that too much like hard work?”

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How to cheat the private school VAT rise by quitting your job, uprooting your family and moving halfway across the country by tomorrow

SICK Communists in government have jeopardised your children’s futures by adding VAT to school fees. How can a humble, middle class professional like yourself cheat the system? 

Pack the car and flee

With mere months before the January 2025 deadline, you must act. Pile your family and most precious possessions into the Range Rover Evoque and, like asylum seekers fleeing a war-torn country, head for a new life in a county with adequate grammar school provision.

Take on new names and identities

The shame of being one of Starmer’s ‘lost generation’ will follow your children forever. For their own protection, change their names to ensure no-one can trace them to their privileged previous life at Abbeyford Prep.

Quit your job

Boss unreasonably refusing to let you work permanently from home, even though this is a crisis? Even though there’s no affordable decent catchment within commuting distance? Quit. You don’t need the money for fees now, anyway. Food can be begged.

Move into a hotel

Selling a house takes too long, so you may temporarily need to reside in a Travelodge across the road from an outstanding school. It means selling the dog, but your children will look back and agree that Poppy the chocolate lab wouldn’t have wanted them to mix with council estate ruffians.

Have faith

Bear in mind that every aspirational parent in the country is feeling the same pain and panic. Satisfy yourself that even though you are homeless, dogless and unemployed, with sufficient eleven-plus tutoring your children will still get into Russell Group universities and onto the Deloitte grad scheme.