A WOMAN has painstakingly sorting her recyclable waste into a plastic container full of assorted and extremely disparate shit. 

Nikki Hollis of Woking is doing her bit to combat the looming climate emergency by dutifully separating her glass, paper, and plastic waste then shoving it all into a receptacle for somebody else to sort out, hopefully the council.

She said: “I’ve checked it all and it has the symbol on. So it’s somebody else’s problem now.

“I imagine they have a special machine with clever arms picking out the glass from the plastic from the cardboard, and perhaps another one for washing out the jars I didn’t bother to. Still I’ve done my bit.

“I’m very careful with it. I never throw away a scrap of tin foil, carefully mixing it in, and I put broken glasses and the occasional lightbulb in there because it’s a shame to throw them away and it doesn’t give me the same self-satisfied rush.

“It would be nice if the recycling man recognised my heroic efforts with a nod, a wave or perhaps a gold star, but I wouldn’t want him counting the wine bottles so I’ll let my heroism remains unsung.”

Recycling collector Wayne Hayes said: “Nikki’s just the first in a long, long chain of us all passing this shit down the line in the belief the next person will deal with it. Fingers crossed!”