YOU only notice how pleasant it is to be without them when their ubiquity stops and we’re relieved from their relentless presence. These celebrities should carry on being quiet:
Laurence Fox
The radio silence from Lozza is presumably because whenever he opens his mouth it costs him large sums of money. Luxuriate in it while it lasts, because the attention-addicted bellend will no doubt be back and calling Hugh Grant a kiddy-fiddler shortly. Resulting in a libel case so clear-cut all Hugh will provide is his account details for the payout.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Hailed as a Hollywood-conquering feminist comedic genius, with the Guardian so obsessed with Fleabag the show took out a restraining order, that was in 2019. It’s been six years with nothing but a widely-hated Indiana Jones role. This is what happens when you lionise posh girls. They never needed the money. They were only dabbling.
James Dyson
Used to be a news fixture despite only inventing a vacuum cleaner, not cold fusion or the internet. Last seen making ventilators during Covid, but being a Brexiter and moving all Dyson production to Singapore has a way of turning the public off you. Has presumably moved all his media appearances overseas as well, giving us a nice rest.
JK Rowling
Is she still posting about trans stuff? It’s hardly being reported if so. It would be nice to think the media have realised a new government and multiple wars are more important, but they more likely just got bored of fabricated stories about pupils identifying as tardigrades or whatever. Either way, the silence is an unexpected treat.
Joe Wicks
The lockdown fitness guru who made one-trick ponies look as polymathic as Leonardo da Vinci, his fame briefly outlasted being trapped indoors with f**k all to do but has faded. And it does feel nice not to have a random Cockney pestering you to do exercises which are basically just jumping in front of the telly.
Gwyneth Paltrow
Wherefore art thou, Gwyneth? After retiring from acting she’s gone mercifully quiet; no ‘conscious uncoupling’, no $250 ‘moon juice’, no fanny candles. No doubt she’s devoting all her time to Goop R&D, hunched over a microscope in a laboratory inventing a diffuser scented with her anal glands.
Rishi Sunak
Once regarded as a financially shrewd nerd, Rishi ended up as just one more Tory knobhead. Barely even appearing at the party he’s still leader of at conference, he’ll soon be just another millionaire and that’s fine. Delight that you’ll never again hear a wanker in half-mast trousers ask a homeless man at a soup kitchen ‘Do you work in business?’
