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Woman sets healthy boundaries of only doing what she wants to

A WOMAN has informed friends she is prioritising her mental wellbeing by setting boundaries of only doing what she enjoys.

Charlotte Phelps and her therapist have concluded that continually acting in ways that are not in accordance with her desires has proven detrimental to her sense of self and is causing her anxiety, so from now on she will not.

She explained: “For example, I didn’t want to go for Thai for Chris’s birthday last week, because lemongrass causes me distress, because I don’t like it.

“But instead of asserting my boundaries and putting myself first I allowed others to ignore my no, failed to express my discomfort and had a pad chaa I didn’t really want. So you can see what a violation that was.

“From now on I’m setting clear boundaries. If it’s a bar, it has to be one I like. If it’s a film it has to be one I fancy. If I want Kirsty to stop moaning about her ex then she needs to. Otherwise I’m falling into a trap of co-dependency and not valuing myself.

“Asking me to justify my boundaries is a violation. Not acknowledging them is disrespect. Joking about them is a manipulation tactic. Anyway, what are we doing this weekend?”

Friend Tom Logan said: “Does texting cross Charlie’s healthy, necessary boundaries? I can’t remember and can’t text to ask. So I won’t.”

Spreadsheet Steve, and five other nicknames which mean your life has gone horribly awry

PICKED up a nickname? Proud of it, even though it’s a glaring sign your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere? Any of these is a sign you need help: 

‘Spreadsheet Steve’

You didn’t mind it at first. Everybody likes to have their skills recognised. But you soon came to resent the mockery of colleagues who can’t manage a simple vlookup and don’t want to learn. Unable to bond with anything which isn’t made up of rows and columns, you’ll die alone, leaving a superbly organised will on an Excel worksheet.

‘Mr Loverman’

A bit of fun when you were 16 and had two girls on the go. Now you’re 45 and shouts of ‘Shabba’ in the pub are an unwelcome reminder of your inability to form meaningful relationships. How can you explain to your mother sex with strangers is the only thing that makes you feel alive? You’ll die alone and none of your shags will attend your funeral.

‘Road Warrior’

It’s meant respectfully, from friends impressed you’re still running marathons at 50. They don’t realise your obsession is ruining your family’s lives because you’re never physically or emotionally present, always training, always pounding pavement. You’ll die alone but thanks to your obsession with lean protein and antioxidants, it’ll be at a ripe old age.

‘Smokey Joe’

Back in the indie sleaze 00s, smoking actual cigarettes wasn’t unusual enough to earn you a specific moniker. Today your elderflower cordial-sipping friends stare at you with a mixture of bemusement and pity as you step out for a fag. You’ll die smelly and alone, quite possibly within the next 15 years.

‘Barstool’

It would be nice if this referred to your sociable, chatty nature and excellent listening skills rather than the fact you spend every waking hour in the local boozer. It doesn’t, and you’ll die because you were unable to be alone and instead lived down the pub. Still, your wake will be well attended by other regulars, all surprised to learn your real name.

‘Quantum Ninja’

Everyone loved gaming as a kid. You didn’t stop. A childhood playing Goldeneye led to an adulthood battling Korean teenagers and weekends grinding for epic drops. Nobody’s impressed with your achievements even though getting the skulls on Halo Infinite is hard. Your physical self will die alone. Your gamertag will be trash-talked in the cloud forever.

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