Politics Headlines

ALLIES of Gordon Brown believe the prime minister will recover in the polls as soon as Britain is hit by a devastating animal disease.

GORDON Brown and David Cameron both considered resigning from their posts after being forced to spend another summer holiday in Britain, it was claimed last night.

THE government last night dismissed fears over its massive, evil database insisting it would only ever be used to peer into the very depths of your soul.

GORDON Brown has outlined plans to recapture the political agenda by acting like your old gran.

A YEAR long review of the rules governing MPs’ expenses last night concluded that you are a complete twat.

WESTMINSTER was left reeling last night after a senior politician did something that did not involve being a total dick.

LABOUR will today unveil a detailed plan to alienate its last remaining pockets of support.

CREWE was prancing around quite the thing last night after getting itself a fancy new millionaire to represent it in parliament.

BRITAIN last night told the prime minister it was getting really quite late while making a big fuss of cleaning up the living room.

EVERYONE in Britain is to be made a member of the House of Lords after lending the Labour Party £2.7 billion.