Politics Headlines

CONSTANT coverage of Gordon Brown's psychosis is beginning to distract voters from how appalling he is at being prime minister, Labour strategists claimed last night.

GORDON Brown dismissed claims of bullying last night and threatened to ruin the life of anyone who says different.

TORY leader Dave Cameron has revealed he enjoys watching 'erotic thrillers' on late night television after the wife has gone to bed.

GORDON Brown was circling central London today threatening to crash his light aircraft into the Office of National Statistics.

GORDON Brown was today waiting for opinion poll results that will reveal whether or not Britain really is that stupid.

DIMWITS and mediocrities too stupid to get a proper job are not above the law, according to a legal expert.

THE row over MPs' expenses escalated last night as voters across Britain agreed to hire Jimmy Conway from Goodfellas.

GORDON Brown has unveiled his plan to slash Britain's deficit by making lots of pathetic little wooden things and then selling them from a table outside his house.

ONE of the first acts of a Conservative government would be to take Bruce Forsyth into some woods and then let him go, David Cameron declared yesterday.

THE prospect of a nice, ripe banana faded rapidly into the distance last night as Britain faced-up to a new age of banana-free austerity.