JEREMY Clarkson has admitted disquiet at his discovery, aged 64, that consequences exist and even worse apply to him. 

Clarkson, who has long advocated a diet of red meat and lead-based petrol, recently had a stent fitted for a blocked artery and believes it may be related to his being a 64-year-old man leading what woke doctors have described as an ‘unhealthy lifestyle’.

He continued: “This is like when I punched that producer and then, not long after, lost my job. I’m beginning to wonder if that was more than just coincidence.

“Yes, the nanny state ninnies have always yapped about a diet of 40 fags a day and ten pints a night causing long-term health problems, but they’re idiots. However, events would seem to bear their outlandish claims out.

“What if I, Clarkson, am subject to the same physical failings as everyone else, even though I’ve mocked them so robustly? It could mean I’m not immortal.

“This might need thinking through. However, I’ll continue with my ventures selling fatty meat and real ale to the public. No need to let them get wind of this.”