AS a good liberal you know you shouldn’t pass judgement on people whose lives you don’t really understand. Sadly you couldn’t stop these thoughts popping into your head:
Haven’t you got jobs to go to?`
In fairness, the answer is frequently ‘no’, although this does imply it’s fine to go to a race riot on a Saturday, which it’s really not. Part of the annoyance for people with jobs is that you have to be responsible and not end up on TV or all over Twitter. Explaining why you were trying to burn down a hotel full of people would require some pretty quick thinking in your PDR.
The grey hoodie/jogging pants combo really isn’t a good look
It’s time to admit that this ugly fashion choice makes you look like you’re wearing pyjamas or a 50-something woman’s jogging outfit. In 20 years’ time it will be viewed in exactly the same way as we do the fashion abominations of 1970s, so stop wearing the 2020s equivalent of brown polyester flares with a kipper tie and a Jason King ‘tache, or worse still, dungarees.
Have you tried going to a dentist?
It’s near-impossible to find an NHS dentist in some areas, which is a disgrace, so you’re probably a bastard for thinking this. Even so, confronted with the frankly remarkable toothlessness of some of the underclass you can’t help but wonder: have you really tried to get that fixed? Probably they have, and you’re just being prejudiced. Perhaps them spouting idiotic racist crap has somehow reduced your sympathy in some mysterious way?
They should read the Guardian
Reading the Guardian would actually give people a slightly better understanding of immigration and society in general. However this is still the most naive and embarrassing thought you’ve ever had, however briefly. What are you going to do, stand in the middle of a neo-Nazi riot and ask if anyone’s read Marina Hyde’s wonderfully acerbic takedown of Richard Tice?
Shaven-headed blokes all look the same
Ironically, it’s usually racists who say ‘they all look the same to me’, but a shaved head eliminates hairstyle differences, and combined with the yob uniform of t-shirt, shorts and worryingly distended beer gut, it really does make racist thugs look entirely interchangeable. Maybe there’s only 30 of them, and they just travel around a lot.
Does anyone here have a degree?
You should be thinking ‘This sickening race hate has got to stop‘, but your brain decides to randomly chip in with: ‘I bet none of these chumps has got a degree!’ It’s genuinely pathetic, but unfortunately we all have what is best described as an ‘awful’ part of our brain. It’s the same part that watches a shark attack on YouTube and goes: ‘Tsk, I’d have thought it’d at least have had his leg off!’
‘Legitimate concerns’ might be bollocks
The thinking behind this is that those on the lowest rungs of society’s ladder fear immigration will take their jobs and leave them a minority in their own towns. Then you realise that for many people racism is a nasty ego trip, bricking a mosque is a fun day out, and they just love the warm glow of victimhood. Also, crying about protecting British culture is a bit rich when you’ve got a f**king swastika tattooed on your back.
