Gen Zer exhausted after day of visualising work

A TEENAGER is shattered after a full day of imagining what a full day at work would be like. 

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 18, has been advised to ‘get a job’ by her stepfather so thought she should investigate this avenue of possible fulfilment using mindfulness.

She said: “Corporate servitude apparently looms in my future. I needed to decide if it is for me.

“I visualised everything from the morning alarm to a day that is officially longer than streaming a whole season but that, perversely, won’t let you. The clothes, the sandwiches, the subjugation. It was terrible.

“You can’t update social media while working, even though I told my figmental boss my friends will think I’m dead, you have to talk to people on the phone which gives me trauma, and my dyscalculia was not respected which is against the law.

“I returned to the real and informed my parents it was not a life experience I care to be sullied by. They understood.”

Stepfather Tom Booker said: “Unfortunately I think when she tried to visualise Grace accidentally manifested. That must be why she’s starting work on Wednesday.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Biden made decision after communing with the dead

PRESIDENT Biden decided to quit the presidential race after speaking to Lincoln, Kennedy and Washington in the twilight lands of the dead, it has emerged. 

Biden, who is a familiar figure in those regions where living and deceased may meet as equals because he often takes strolls there, summoned a conclave of former US leaders for advice.

He said: “Yes, the land of Dead Presidents that Jay-Z spoke of is real. I visit there more and more frequently, often while giving speeches.

“When my leadership out here in the world of breath and colour was challenged, I knew I must consult with those on the other side of the veil. Plus I can finish a sentence over there, in fact they tell me I speak too quickly.

“Lincoln told me I had outlived my time. Jefferson advised me to depart with dignity. James Madison suggested war with Britain, he’s not really kept up with modern politics, we tend to ignore him.

“Anyway, moved by the counsel of my forebears very much in the style of the film Black Panther, I quit the presidential race.

“You’ll notice I didn’t give a reason. That is because I forgot.”