A BOSS who is firmly against homeworking and demands all his employees attend the office in person is fine with it today.
Line manager Martin Bishop, who frequently derails meetings with lengthy rants about lazy homeworkers spending all day binge-watching Netflix while jiggling a mouse, sent an email at 6.22am today temporarily suspending the policy.
He said: “Due to transportation issues, such as roads being flooded and train services cancelled, I am happy to announce homeworking is back on.
“Forget the aggressive emails I’ve been sending ever since 2021 concerning ‘mandatory office attendance.’ The threat of dismissal for those who dared to suggest they might work from home for a morning because of an ‘ill child’ was an obvious, and hilarious, joke.
“A new year means a new me. The boss you once knew is gone. I’m laid back and flexible now, so long as you send me a minute-by-minute commentary of what you’re doing via Slack, and I will remain that way until the temperature consistently tops three degrees.
“You’ve all proved that you can be productive when working from home. And, as a 2025 treat, I am temporarily acknowledging that. Enjoy it, because by next week I plan to be calling all homeworkers ‘shiftless second-screen wanking addicts’ again.”
Employee Nikki Hollis said: “There’s snow on my keyboard. I can’t work. It’s frozen.”
