Society

A WOMAN has only gone and posted everyone lovely, thoughtful Christmas cards like a f**king ars*hole.

CHRISTMAS is a time to remember the less well-off, and remember it’s their own fault. Here’s how compassionate Conservative voters can help them.

A NEW era of majority Conservative rule has begun, but how will you occupy yourself in the evenings now? Try these:

SQUADS of arse-kickers are to be deployed to ensure the under-25s bother to vote.

A WOMAN who just ate a whole box of children's cereal is currently considering buying a house.

A MAD man has confirmed he plans on staying out past midnight at some point this week.

EVEN Jesus Christ judges people who buy chocolate-free advent calendars, it has been confirmed.

A CHILD of liberal parents has been coached to write a Santa letter focusing on environmental and social justice issues over presents.

WE'VE seen you many times. A*sing about vaguely on the pavement near a cashpoint machine, all of a sudden wondering why people are glowering at you.

A MAN born in December has been labelled a “selfish a*sehole” by friends, who are forced to celebrate his birthday at the busiest time of year.