By ‘gammon’ Roy Hobbs
TRUMP wasn’t lying about immigrants eating pets. They’ve been doing it in Britain for years, and there’s a mountain of evidence if you know where to look. Such as this…
It’s a small step from a carp to a labrador
Carp is a delicacy in Poland so some Poles in the UK, who admittedly didn’t understand the law, started eating them. But the way I see it, if they’re happy to pull a fish out of a river, they’ll be happy to haul a labrador out of your garden, and the next thing Luna knows is she’s in the oven with sage and onion stuffing up her bum.
You haven’t seen your neighbour’s dog today
If a neighbour owns a dog you’ll see it frequently, so if you don’t the most logical explanation is that immigrants have eaten it. Lefties will say it might be going for a walk, at the vet’s or unfortunately have died of old age, but they’re in denial about Britain becoming a multicultural hellhole of weird ethnic practices like wearing scarves.
Chinese restaurants
Ever since Chinese restaurants, or ‘Chinkies’ to give them their correct name, started appearing in the 1970s everyone has known they abduct cats. It’s such common knowledge even racist comedians made jokes about it. Also, ‘chow’ means dog in Chinese. Well, actually it doesn’t but there are dogs called Chow Chows. That’s good enough for me.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Hollywood wouldn’t take the risk of showing something historically inaccurate, so the banquet scene set in 1935 would have been 100 per cent factually correct. Eyeball soup, chilled monkey brains, ‘snake surprise’ – all beyond disgusting but a typical Indian meal, apparently. If an Indian immigrant sees your pet boa constrictor they’re bound to steal it for some snake stuffed with live eels like mum used to make.
We ‘know’ immigrants eat swans
There was some debate as to whether this actually happened, due to the confused nature of the reporting by The Sun. However everyone I know thinks it did so that means we’ve democratically voted it true. Eating a noble, beautiful, friendly swan makes you no better than a beast yourself, but it’s all you can expect from primitive nations. Obviously if the Queen did it or King Charles fancies a nibble on his own swans, then it’s really just like eating chicken.
Gerbils make great ‘fun food’ for kids
Ever had a gerbil escape, never to be found again? It’s probably been eaten by an immigrant child. People have been known to eat gerbils in the Middle East and Africa, and their size and cuteness makes them ideal fun snacks for your kid’s lunchbox. I’ve not actually heard of this happening, but the fact that it is possible makes it likely immigrants are doing it.
It’s hard to get hold of tigers for butter
Tiger butter is a delicacy on the Indian Subcontinent, according to The Story of Little Black Sambo. However in civilised countries tigers can only be kept in cages in zoos, so immigrants will steal another animal that can run fast, probably greyhounds. It breaks my heart to think of those poor doggies being made to run faster and faster round a tree until they transmute into ghee, but this is what we get for being too woke to carry out mass deportations at gunpoint.
