A WOMAN who found herself experiencing empathy for George Osborne is questioning her sanity, it has been confirmed.
Nikki Hollis was left stunned by the realisation that the vampiric features of the chancellor evoked feelings of pity.
Hollis said: “I was flicking desperately through channels, trying to find something that would offer a glimmer of hope and paused when George Osborne’s usually terrifying face filled the screen.
“I knew he was saying that the economy was essentially fucked and we’d all end up living in potholes and eating woodlice and twigs like they did in the Dark Ages, but I couldn’t help wanting to wipe the sweat from his pallid brow and tell him it’s alright. I even thought about making him a sandwich with some cheese and lettuce in it.
“Perhaps it’s because he’s a relic of a more stable world, but if he keels over during his next public announcement I may even shed a tear.
“This, on top of the moment my heart actually sank when David Cameron resigned, has led me to worry that I have gone completely fucking mental.”
