BRITAIN’S men have rushed to reassure the economy that a shock shrinkage is nothing to worry about and happens all the time.
After reading reports that the economy dipped unexpectedly in January, sympathetic men have been in touch to let it know they have all been there and everything will be alright.
Joseph Turner from Worthing said: “Don’t beat yourself up mate. You’ve been under a lot of pressure since, what, 2008? This was bound to happen.
“Nobody’s the virile young buck they used to be 30 years ago, and that’s fine. Your days of splashing out on poorly-budgeted vanity projects might be behind you, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
“My advice is to take it easy, maybe go on holiday for a bit. Try not to force things and by the time the next budget rolls around I’m sure you’ll be fine. Don’t dwell on this, okay bro? That’ll only make things worse.”
Nathan Muir from Basingstoke told the economy: “Women like Rachel Reeves don’t understand how we work. We can’t be expected to perform all the time and at a moment’s notice, especially at our age.
“If I were you I’d think about something exciting like tax hikes or a massive housebuilding programme to get the blood pumping. Failing that, hook up with some sexy foreign investment. Works every time.”
