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Man comes out amazingly well from own anecdote once again

A 28-YEAR-OLD man has emerged as the wry, ballsy hero of his own story yet again.

Administrator Tom Logan told colleagues about an altercation with a motorcyclist in which he came close to punching the man but, as ever, had the self-control not to.

Co-worker Emma Bradford said: “It’s amazing, really. He comes out of these situations cool as a cucumber. I’d be a nervous wreck but I suppose Tom’s used to it because it happens practically every day.

“He was really brave to stand up to that burly motorcyclist. Then saying ‘Don’t come out without your stabilisers next time, mate’ is a brilliant quip to think up on the spot.

“Tom’s wasted as a low-ranking member of the civil service who lives with his parents. He should be in the SAS or something. Actually James Bond would be more like it.”

Logan’s anecdotes regularly combine the skills of a hostage negotiator, stand-up comedian and martial arts expert, but sadly have not yet been witnessed by anyone he knows.

Logan said: “You should have seen the time I talked down a guy who was going mental in Tesco. They offered to put me forward for a bravery award but I didn’t want the attention.”

Is everything terrible or are you just a massive f**king drama queen?

ARE the events of your life an unending nightmare or are you just a deeply annoying drama queen? Take our quiz and find out!

Someone ate the last of the Magnum Minis in the freezer. Do you:

A) Cheerfully decide a walk to the shop to get more will burn off the calories of a Double Cherry Truffle anyway.

B) Make everyone in your house feel as if they’ve committed a terrible act of treachery, as bad as an affair or secretly calling you ‘the Wanker’ behind your back for years.

The ludicrous amount of stuff you’re packing for a weekend break won’t fit in your suitcase. Do you:

A) Just take some things out because those six pairs of jeans probably aren’t critical.

B) Start crying and keep crying as if your entire family, dog, hamster, favourite band and popular good-natured British actor Colin Firth have all just died horribly.

Your broadband speed has slowed again and made Netflix buffer. What do you do?

A) Take the opportunity to stop watching TV all the time and maybe have sex with your partner.

B) Start a house witch hunt for the person taking all the bandwidth, accusing them of extreme selfishness for using their computer.

Your commute takes 30 minutes longer than expected. Do you:

A) Take the time to people-watch and play a game of ‘guess their personal perversion’.

B) Keep droning on about it to your family and colleagues until you see the will to live drain from their eyes.  

Your child did not get into the school you wanted. Do you:

A) Remember that they’re quite thick and none of it will really make a difference.

B) Move house, become a devout Catholic or start telling your partner one of you should sell an organ to get them into private education.

Mostly As. You are not a dreadful drama queen. However you are missing out on attention. Practise doing things like screaming “FUCK!” when you can’t find a biro that works.

Mostly Bs. It’s actually you who is the problem, as you should have learned from that angry policeman when you called 999 because Yahoo! mail was down for 20 minutes.

 

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