DUNE: Prophecy is the latest prequel to an interesting story which proves all prequels to be leaden and unnecessary. These are why the genre should die:
The Star Wars prequel trilogy, 1999-2005
The mythology of Star Wars seemed deep, rich and exciting until the very moment it was explored. Remember when the Clone Wars were a canvas for the imagination, not a crappy animated series for hardcore fans only? When Darth Vader wasn’t born and immediately screamed ‘Noooo!’ at the sky? In films nobody likes to think about?
House of the Dragon, 2022-ongoing
Game of Thrones floundered without books to adapt. The natural next move, therefore, was to turn a dry family saga into TV shows scraping around for character, motivation or fragments of story to lavish millions of production dollars on. ‘Making everyone blonde’ was not enough. Dragons are not inherently interesting. They’re big hot lizards.
Dune: Prophecy, 2024-ongoing
Set 10,000 years before the movies, which is like hoping Cro-Magnon EastEnders will attract the same loyal viewers. Demonstrating handily that ‘audiences want more stories set in this wonderful universe’ is a lie, and actually audiences want good stories and don’t give a f**k about the universe.
The Hobbit trilogy, 2012-2014
The book’s fine. There’s nothing up with the book. The decision to turn a fun children’s story into eight hours of films with epic battles and once-beloved characters shoehorned in, padded out with The Big Dwarf Music Hour, was entirely born of the success of the other big long Tolkien movies. The Rings of Power only compounded the error.
Rock & Chips, 2010-2011
A prequel to much beloved sitcom Only Fools and Horses, but without the characters, the setting or the jokes. Established that you don’t need to be a sci-fi or fantasy saga to disappoint viewers who actually want more of the same but good like it used to be.
Hannibal Rising, 2006
Dr Hannibal Lecter is such a singular, enthralling figure that he is about to be made Trump’s surgeon general. This ill-conceived attempt to explain his origins made him at once sympathetic and mundane. Written by Thomas Harris under threat of a movie being made. The threat was, tragically, very real.
Prometheus, 2012
Alien is a very simple idea: a nasty bastard is the ultimate killing machine, and it’s after you. Nobody in that film or its sequels stopped to wonder ‘Hey, I wonder where it comes from? Did it have a rough childhood?’ Except Ridley Scott who created a film which addressed that imponderable while simultaneously failing to answer it in any way. Made $400 million. That’s the true origin story of every prequel.
