A WOMAN meeting the other close friends of a person she dearly cares about was horrified to discover they are all inconceivably dreadful.
Joanna Kramer was looking forward to meeting the social circle of her funny, considerate, and kind friend Lucy Parry only to find they are atrocious bellends to a man.
Joanna said: “Lucy and I have known each other for years, have deep, intelligent conversations and share values. So it’s a shock to find her other mates are knobheads.
“Seriously. Macca’s a drug-dealing DJ, Chris obsessively collects and talks about collecting Funko Pops, and Steph has a tattoo of Morgan Freeman on her inner thigh. It’s not finished because she ran out of money. Six years ago.
“They shouted obnoxious things that are apparently in-jokes but sound like the ravings of a washed-up internet celebrity. Steph asked if anyone would mind if she pissed in the bin. Macca got a bag of speed out. Then Lucy showed up and acted like this was normal.
“She asked what was up, I told her, and she laughed it off and said that’s just how they are and I’d get used to them. I said I’d rather get used to syphilis which she immediately repeated to her mates as if they’d find it hilarious. They didn’t.
“Our friendship is clearly some kind of strange alchemy that only works one-on-one. Which explains why she called my book club mates ‘pretentious f**king wankers’.”
