A COUPLE believe that their rows are better than other people’s arguments.
Anna and Stephen Malley of Ipswich, who average three blazing confrontations a week, look down on their friends’ mundane domestic bust-ups, preferring to tear strips off each other in a clever way.
Anna said: “When we see other couples arguing about loading the dishwasher we just roll our eyes at the sheer unsophistication of it all.
“Last week alone we had rows about the Fermi Paradox, the later films of Terrence Malick and whether Stephen’s irregular breathing is innate or deliberate. The Malick one almost split us up.
“Tidying up? Looking at other women? We moved on from those by our third date.”
The Malley’s rows regularly stretch over four hours and cover game theory, identity politics and whether musical theatre is innately populist.
Stephen Malley said: “Use your imagination, don’t just go back to the same familiar argumentative positions.
“You can use the words ‘fuck’ or ‘twat’ but don’t raise your voice or throw objects too early if you want the row to last.
“And never, ever have make-up sex. It wastes energy that is much better channelled into loathing.”
