THE perpetual question of whether any random space has hosted some level of sexual activity can always, without fail, be answered in the positive, it has emerged.
A top-level conference of sociologists, psychologists, psychiatrists and police confirmed every room, open space and layby on an A-road has been used to f**k in at least once, and often on a regular and frequent basis.
Researcher Dr Helen Archer said: “Yes, every room in your house. Yes, multiple couples over dozens of years. Yes, that bit where you lie while on your phone. Exactly where your head is.
“The harsh reality is that the nasty has been done in your office kitchen, bones have been jumped in your gym’s changing room, and even your shed once rocked to copulation. It’s been done everywhere.
“I’ve been asked about rubbish tips, ASDA toilets, psychiatrist offices, the Nantwich branch of Fat Face, your parents’ living room, industrial museum cafes, late medieval ruins, pedigree dog kennels, STI clinics, storage units for both rich and poor people, pedalos.
“The answers are yes, yes, of course, yes, constantly, yes, on special occasions, yes, yes, I have personally and yes. Not in that order.
“I still get bloody amateurs asking me if I think people have done it in their AirBnB. I tell them what I tell everyone: go get a UV torch, have a look, then recoil in horror. There’s spunk up the very walls.”
