ASYLUM seekers should be grateful to be jetted off to a nice hot country with hotels so lovely they made a film about them. Gammon Wayne Hayes goes through the highlights:
Package holiday spirit
Jetting off somewhere exotic with a group of strangers can be a right laugh. Haven’t any of these whining sods ever been on an 18-30 holiday? Instead of complaining they should man up and kick back with a Stella on a sun lounger. Although I bet the bloody EU would say that’s against their ‘human rights’ somehow.
The weather
If there’s one thing I know about Africa it’s that it’s boiling hot, I think. Although considering that refugees usually come from boiling countries anyway I suppose it must be a busman’s holiday for them. If we were punishing them we’d banish them to some rain-lashed backwater, like Birmingham.
Sharing rooms
So what if you’re packed into a shared bedroom like millennial London renters? I stayed in a cramped dorm in Ibiza back in 1988 with about 30 other random men. Did I let the overwhelming number of random dicks and arseholes stop me from having a laugh? No. I dropped a tab and got on with it.
The food
I’d try cancel my flight too if I knew I was only going to be eating African food for the foreseeable. However, in my experience, if you yell at any foreign hotel manager for long enough they’ll eventually see sense and serve you some proper English food like a curry or a kebab. If these illegals give it a try they’ll soon be living in luxury.
Safaris
According to an Attenborough documentary I slept through, you can’t walk a couple of yards in Africa without bumping into a giraffe or kangaroo. Rather than worrying about their bloody families, why don’t these ingrates just go look at an elephant? Don’t they know people are willing to pay thousands for an experience they’re getting for free?
